I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Just puked most of my soul out..
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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