I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He shit in the fireplace
I woke up under a house in Key West
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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