capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
