I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
