this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
