I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
