there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize