what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
