My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize