I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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