btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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