Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
