you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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