im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
