he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
