Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
