I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
