I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
