so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
