I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize