My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
