READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
