I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
