oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
