im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
