after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
