Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize