i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Did I show you my penis last night?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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