next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
