Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
