She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Do vagina's smell?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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