Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
