we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
