Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize