Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
