hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
