my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
