is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
