The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
