so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize
