my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize