It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
