I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
