i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
