This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
The adults are the big ones right?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
