I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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