i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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