fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize