Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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