You smell like stripper and shame
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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