Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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