If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
