No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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