do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
