paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
