I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
