Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
