I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
And then he peed in my hair
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