It's like God shit irony all over that family
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
