There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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