She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
