I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I checked into jail on foursquare
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
