IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
