i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
