we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
