I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
there was a trapeze. enough said
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
