Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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